Monday, June 21, 2010

Moving Tips- June 2010

Tips to help your kids cope with a move...

Summer is the most popular time for families to make a move. Kids can struggle emotionally with a move as much, if not more, than Mom. The following are some tips from Susan Miller’s book, But Mom, I Don’t Want to Move!, to help keep the lines of communication open, offer emotional support, and help them grow through a time of great transition.

A reminder to you and your children:
· Grieving for friends and family is normal. It’s okay to cry. Your friends and family are worth every tear.
· Comforting with loving arms speaks volumes.
· Laughter can soothe the heart. Laugh a lot.
· Spend one-on-one time with each child. It makes each one feel cared about during the chaos of a move.
· Learn to read behind your children’s eyes. It’s amazing what you will learn.
So how do you help your children process their move? There are some key things you will want to remember that will help to pave the way!
1. Get in the trenches with your kids. Share some of the feelings you had when you moved as a child. This lets them know they are not alone in their feelings.
2. Provide an atmosphere of safety and freedom to express feelings openly.
3. Give them permission to feel angry or sad. “You’re not giving them permission to be disrespectful or destructive; but to feel what they’re feeling. All emotions are acceptable, but all behaviors are not,” writes David Ferguson in his book Parenting with Intimacy.
4. Children need to feel understood and supported when they express their feelings.
5. Don’t judge or criticize them when they express their emotions.
6. Remind your children that their feelings are normal. Explain to them that grieving is part of the healing process after a move.
7. Give them unconditional love and acceptance.
8. Listen, listen, listen---with your heart, with your eyes, and in between the lines of conversation.
9. Reassure them that it’s okay to cry. Let the tears flow. They can be healing and cleansing for emotions.
10. Keep communication open by encouraging everyone to talk during times of emotional stress points. Work at getting it all out on the table to better understand who, what, and why.
11. Comfort your child. It can restore and soothe the emotions.
12. Don’t forget the value of touch. A hug can speak a thousand words. Holding your child in your arms can break down emotional walls.
13. Remember, your children are watching how you respond to the situation. For the most part, they will take your lead emotionally.
Extra Emotional Support Provided by God’s Word
For loneliness—“And lo, I am with you always” (Matthew 28:20).
For fear—“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity (fear), but of power and love and discipline (sound judgment)” (2Timothy 1:7).
For anger—“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26).
For disappointment—“Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us” (Psalm 62:8).
For grief—“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you” (Isaiah 43:2).
For anxiety—“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you” (Psalm 55:22, NIV).
For sadness—“Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5, NIV).
For resentment—“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you” (Ezekiel 36:26, NIV).
For hurt—“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1Peter 5:10, NIV).
For self-esteem—“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).
For comfort—“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).
For hope—“This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast” (Hebrews 6:19).

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